Surely, You Can't Be Serious?

I've been a mom for two and a half years. To some, that's not very long. I am all too aware that there is much of being a parent I have yet to experience. There are many things I have not gone through, trials I have not yet had to endure. That, however, does not mean that I don't know what I'm doing or that I am a worse parent than those who have been parents of more children or for a longer period of time.

That having been said, I have recently discovered a huge pet peeve of mine.

Today, at the end of our weekly story-time at the library, the librarian was handing out stickers. Trying to get a bunch of toddlers to act orderly is very near impossible. I can understand and appreciate this. (I recently spent forty-five hours in a preschool classroom so I know first-hand how difficult it can be to get any sized group of children to do anything you want them to do.) The librarian was very calm and patient and told the children over and over that every single one was going to get a sticker so there was no need to crowd him. A lot of the children listened, mine being one of them. Addison just stepped back and was content to wait until there was an opening in the crowd of children so he could get his sticker. (He picked out a pink sticker with a rainbow on it. My kid is officially awesome.)

Other children were not so friendly.

One girl, who looked to be the oldest there, did not want to stand behind the other children and wait, especially once her little sister had already gotten hers. After huffing and puffing for a minute, she proceeded to shove my son out of her way. He stumbled and fell into another child. She didn't just do this once. She pushed and shoved her way to the front of the group to get her sticker. Do you know what her mother did? Absolutely nothing.

This isn't the first time I've been witness to a grossly inattentive, or even worse, a willfully ignorant parent. I understand that you can't watch your children every second. I understand that sometimes they do things you aren't aware of. I also understand that some parents view their children through rose-colored glasses and think they can do no wrong even if they are the most spoiled and bratty children on the planet. These are the people you want to shake until they see the error of their ways. That is, regrettably, labeled assault and will land you in jail. The law doesn't really justify violence, even if it is for the person's own good. Maybe one day.

Totally off topic. Anyway...

There was a day I took Addison to the park near our apartment. It is in a beautiful and quiet neighborhood and it is never packed full or over-run with loud, noisy children. It's perfect. However, on this day, there was a girl who followed Addison around and told him, "You can't play with that. It's mine!" every time he touched something. Do you know what her mother did? Absolutely nothing. I actually approached the mother when this behavior continued for several minutes without her interfering at all. She was sitting on a bench, her nose in her cell phone, without a care in the world as to what her daughter may or may not be doing. So I said, "Excuse me, Ma'am, but your daughter is telling my son he can't play with anything on the playground because everything is hers. I've tried to tell her that the playground is for everyone to share but she continues to be a little bit rude to my son." Without even looking up at me the mother said, "I'm sorry."

Really? Is that all you can say? You can't discipline your child or try to teach her anything at all, even at the expense of someone else's child? You must be parent of the year!

Sometimes kids suck. They don't do what you tell them to do and when you don't let them continue their upsetting behavior, they throw huge fits and get really mad. You know what? It happens. It's an unfortunate part of being a parent, but it is a HUGE part. We are here to teach children how to behave, how to survive in this world. Fundamental things such as sharing, communicating, listening, expressing themselves are all things we need to help them figure out. It can be hard. It can be really, really hard. It is not impossible.

So, it really just gets under my skin when I see a child who is behaving in a not-so-nice manner (especially to my kid) and then see their parent doing absolutely nothing about it. The repercussions of not-parenting reach so far into the future of that child that it's almost unbelievable.

And I know it is so hard to find that perfect balance between teaching your children what you want them to know and letting them figure things out on their own. They need both, but they need both in moderation; every single circumstance requires a different reaction from the parent.

Some people just aren't cut out to do it. Unfortunately, they don't know that until they've already reproduced. By then, it's too late.

-Mommy Michelle

P.S. - I am serious, and don't call me Shirley.