Disclaimer here: I am not now, nor have I ever, regretted having my son. Ever. Yes, it is TOTALLY frustrating sometimes to not be able to take a poo by myself, but I wouldn't trade him for the world. Seriously.
Here is a tiny list I've compiled of things that are ridiculously more complicated to do when you have a child.
1. The ever-dreaded trip to the grocery store. Pre-children you can walk around the aisles and take your time deciding what you really need and want. With a child you have to keep them entertained, worry about them chewing on the buggy or putting their hands in their mouths after touching it (Did you know that grocery store carts are even nastier than grocery store bathrooms? Read this article - it's nasty.), knocking things off of the shelves, putting random items in the basket, running off (Mine actually went from the produce to the road outside the store. No one grabbed him even though I was yelling to stop him from going out of the doors. People suck.), or heaven-forbid the dreaded grocery store tantrum.
If you're super lucky, you have a kid like mine who generally behaves himself. So long as I am making funny faces and he has cars to play with, he's pretty good. I have seen some horrendous tantrums, though, and it's in those moments that you can immediately tell who has kids and who doesn't. The people who do give you this knowing look of sympathy and just walk on by. The ones who don't glare at you as if it's your fault the child is screaming with rage.
2. Going to a pool. Granted, a lot of the time taking children to a pool is a whole lot of fun, especially when they're little and haven't had much experience in it. Before I had my kid, though, I would lay out on a chair with a really good book, read until I was unbearably hot, and then jump in and splash around for a while. Repeat. With my son, that's laughable. I have to make sure his sunscreen hasn't washed or rubbed off, that he's hydrated, not drowning, etc. Like I said, that doesn't mean it isn't fun, because it is! There is just zero time for adult relaxation.
3. Cleaning a house. When you have a kid (at least one that isn't an infant), any toy you put away is instantly the coolest toy in the house and has to be played with RIGHT NOW. When you give up on that one and go to another toy, THAT toy is the most fun thing ever. It's a vicious cycle that is only broken by nap or bed time (unless by that point you have given up and gotten out the wine). Vacuuming? Impossible unless you plan on pushing an extra twenty-five pounds around, too. Sweeping is made much more difficult when a screaming toddler is pulling on it because he wants his turn to push dirt ALL over the floor. Doing the dishes just makes more mess since you have to wipe up bubbles and water off yourself, your child, the counter, the cabinets, the floor, the chair and just about every other inch of the kitchen. Not to mention, if you want to use any harsher chemicals (think bleach) to clean anything at all, it's a HUGE ordeal. You have to keep the kid away from the area until it's completely dried or rinsed or what have you and that is not always so easy. Laundry isn't bad until you try to fold it and your child is jumping all over the bed, rolling all over the clothes, or stealing your bra and running away squealing.
4. Errands. There is no leisurely drive from the bank to the store to the library to the mall. You have to plan your route to do it in the quickest time, avoiding nap time and meal time completely. You have to make sure you have enough for the kid to drink (waaaaay easier if you breast-feed!), snacks, toys, books, etc. to keep him/her occupied for the next couple hours. Then...the getting out and back in to the car ordeal. If your child is anything like mine, he gets tired of it after a while. A lot of the time he just refuses to get out of the car at all. Your kid ever do that stiff-as-a-board-you-can't-physically-manipulate-me-at-all thing? Yeah. That.
There are so many, many more, but I think you all get the idea.
That being said, there are millions of things that are so much better with kids. Playgrounds, splash pads, story time at the local library, going out to eat and having them make funny faces at the other patrons and going to amusement parks.
Life is insanity - with or without kids. It all just depends on if you want to share that insanity with a mini-me who depends on you for everything. It's frustrating, mind-numbing, hair-pulling and down right sucky at times, but, at the end of the day when you can sit down and look over at that sweetly sleeping child next to you, none of the rest of it matters.
In closing, here are some hilariously accurate pictures for you to enjoy.
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